Six Days Loving
- by Yoldyz Minnullina
1.First Day
you don’t know,
you don’t know,
you don’t know …
… everything seems normal –
one day you wear the green shirt
the next the striped one,
every day at the usual time
you walk along the same path
and it doesn’t occur to you that
because of you
someone’s morning
is full of blue sky
you don’t know,
you don’t know,
you don’t know …
…that she made you her own a long time ago
even an accidental meeting
is an accident she expected
having studied your every move
she knows which carriage you will enter
and before that, afraid of approaching,
observed you for days
… why, when trying to answer questions asked for no reason at all
she looks for precise responses
you don’t see,
you don’t see,
you don’t see
her eyes hiding behind glasses
and even now, you say that the comma is
in the wrong place.
you are so smart but you don’t know
that this poem
is actually for you
2.Second Day
it didn’t pour, but rained quite gently
and touched your hair ever so slightly
and just like that,
shyly, undecidedly
unbearably i miss you
the cloud went away to shed its tears
then came back in the evening
and fell off the metal roofs –
in my mind i carefully chose the words for you
i wanted to make you smile
barely holding back my voice
ready to unleash a storm in my lungs
i looked for a reason to talk to you
but couldn’t take my eyes of the teary roofs
it seemed to rain so gently
how did i get so wet?
in my hope i could just barely hear
the sound of your words
for that dream even the truth is too much
i don’t even need you for it
i passed you by as if i didn’t see you
and again you didn’t get to smile
3.Third Day
you think i don’t see you
i do. i do.
that’s why i keep looking at others
the whole time
in my mind i project words to absent friends
if you come along and say something
i seem to forget all words
have you put a spell on me?
or is it an old memory?
but every time you are near
i forget my native tongue
all my endless foolishness
must have a reason
even though you are dear to me
my tongue is dearer
4.Fourth Day
it looks like i will not be able to love you
i’ll just keep being “fallen in love”
the air is so tight here
the glass of the window is too thick
i can’t see if you are in a good mood
or maybe a bit sad
again the autumn rain has
hidden you from me
has put the umbrella in your hand
made your pace faster.
does the rain’s mist touch your hair?
can you feel the autumn wind?
are you really sad at times like this?
or do you just pretend to be brushed by the bird of melancholy?
maybe you are not really that handsome at all
please look at me, make me hopeful
if not, perhaps the barely glowing embers of my feeling will go out
i would love to love you but maybe
i am too lazy to introduce myself
5.Fifth Day
calm down
cool down
breath evenly
you don’t seem like a mean person
you don’t appear generous either
your dried up soul should soak in my tears
don’t hide from my fury, get wet
perhaps it’s the first time that i truly open up
perhaps it’s the last time you are loved – who knows?!
i meet you and strange sparks fly out of my eyes
i meet you and you pretend not to notice and quickly pass by
as if to say that you want me to calm down, to cool
to breath evenly
you try to make me feel cold.
and although i am embarrassed to admit it
because of this i like you even more
6.Sixth Day
in the beginning it was sunny-sunny
then suddenly the twilight fell
the city is covered by night
as expected you probably are already asleep
you are asleep, i enter your dreams like a thief, quietly.
i have 2 volumes of words
i have 2 measures of feelings
as expected i share them equally between you and me
may you have enough for at least one loving
i have too much. don’t be shy, take it.
the winter is long – may the warmth of this loving enter your coldness
and tomorrow, perhaps you won’t be able to look at someone calmly.
and then in your city, it will always be sunny sunny
Bonus Tracks
Where are you (track 7)
poem by Hosiatelislam Giamdeev
I sing my song, I look at the road
I look left, I look right
I can only think about you.
Where are you? Where are you, my dearest?
Where are you? Where are you, my sweetheart?
I ask the flowers, I ask the lake.
I ask the wind, I ask the desert.
Who else can I ask?
Where are you, the one I love so much?
Where are you, my beautiful?
Here on Earth – there are many friends, in the sky – stars,
In summer – there is sun, in winter – the ice.
I look at the moon. But where are you?
Where are you, my smart girl?
Where are you, my pretty one?
If only I could hear your beautiful words again,
If only I could see your lovely face.
I can’t bear not to look into your blue eyes any more,
I’ll search for you for the rest of my life.
Where are you, my golden girl?
Where are you? I cannot extinguish my heart’s fire.
everything is different (track 8)
everything is different
the earth is different
the sky is also different
a thick wall of snow
falls on us
you smile
differently anew afresh
would you like it
if we didn’t die
never ever
we will never die
the spring will come
sprouting forth
listen to me, believe me
be tender, go crazy
let’s meet again
just for fun
let’s check if earth
has the force of gravity
let’s change our names
for no reason at all
let’s annoy serious people
maybe we can invent
a new language
we’ll disobey everything
and run red lights
the earth is different,
even the sky
is new
everything is different since
we met
you hide
i find you again
we are allowed
because
we won’t die
never ever
returning (track 9)
the city you returned to
has nothing to say
is it an excitement or confusion –
at the bus stop
don’t let your feelings go, don’t open up
this is the law of the city
it will not recognise you
even accidentally
here, without you
only the evening, only the winter
inhales, sobbing
this is the silence of
returning
such is the price of returning
you open your arms
you draw the bow
from a distance
the past is wondering.
are you different?
did you change? a long time ago?
don’t say a word.
about this.
who is he? strong? young?
who is he? an equal or a rival?
is he the ruler of the new day?
who is he? piercing the wind
you simply walk
is he better than you or
insignificant?
but you are
at this time of year
really
tired from struggles
this is just
a returning
this is a returning, and on your tracks
that you have mapped
it’s just a direction, not a path
it’s an extinguished fire
it is your last yell
maybe that’s why it’s so
bitter
but look, there in the distance
in the different colours
someone’s heart you ignited and left
still burns and gives light